dear target cashier: when i say i do not want your credit card OR your new debit card, please just smile & nod and do not try to further the pressure with "but ours is prettier!".

dear chocolate cream oreos: you are not delicious. you are in fact quite repulsive and i am disgusted that i was lured back into the artificial oreo happy by the promise of your double chocolateyness. but let me try one more to be sure...

dear body of mine: i loathe you right now. you are making me crave chocolate and lard and then you give me cramps on top of it all. also? you no longer allow me to drink the sweet, sweet nectar that is hot, black coffee. you suck. a lot. as of now you are on notice...or something.

dear target corporation: are you kidding me with your 'gourmet' chocolate brand, choxie? it's not quite as bad as that chocolate flavored wax that gets palmed off on millions of unsuspecting children every year, but damned close. you tempt me with your dark chocolate w/chili and then you SO do not deliver. you can go hang with the oreos on the shelf of ick.

dear self: get some good chocolate today, before your brain implodes. srsly, you better find some delicious craving-smacking cocoa product that induces yumgasms or part of you will staging a fucking coup.

dear self: go take some happy pills now...right now. do not go anywhere else do not do anything else until they are firmly ensconced in your small intestines. that is all.